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• Try Not To Laugh

Contents.The universe is so perfectly detailed and brilliant that it’s challenging to picture yourself in it. Who doesn’t want to be a Jedi?

Star Wars wasn’t ever only about the films. It is good vs. Evil, vehicles and weapons making weird noises, brilliant and funny characters and cool creatures. It is a great, classic storytelling infinitely entertaining, with the right formula of action, romance and angst.

We loved all the toys created around Star Wars expanded universe which is built up by the addition of new planets, new aliens, character backstories and Star Wars complex technology. Struggling of Good and Evil led to epic space fights which continue to have impact to millions of fans of different cultures and generations around the world. Star Wars is part of us and we are part of it. Even those who are not Star Wars fans may have heard some of the famous sayings that have been quoted in their popular movies. Star Wars fans have linked these quotes to their everyday life.

Many big ideas captured in a few lines of dialogue between the characters or simple memorable phrases that are used by many people in everyday conversations. Almost all of us know at least one person that loves Star Wars! Say good morning or happy birthday to your friends by sending them a Star Wars theme greeting card. Each card is based on a famous Star Wars quote, which is used in a witty way to make your friend’s day. Use your sense of humor and send your co-worker a good morning message from Darth Vader. Browse our expanding collection of greeting cards and find the best message to send. Share funny new quotes and messages to nicely accompany the aroma of a morning coffee with a delicious doughnut.

Funny and inspirational message cards to remove boredom and start a nice and easy phone or desktop chat. Even in the middle of a bad day, a funny, unexpected illustrated quote will change the mood, adding a special note of humor. Star Wars Quotes. All too easy. Apology accepted, Captain Needa. Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?. Awww! But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!!!.

Ben! I can be a Jedi. Ben, tell him I’m ready!(Thumps head on ceiling.) Ow!. Boring conversation anyway.

We’re gonna have company!. Bounty hunters!

We don’t need this scum. Boy, it’s lucky you have these compartments!. But how could they be jamming us if they don’t know that we’re coming?. Do. There is no try. – By Yoda. Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. – By Yoda. For over a thousand generations, the Jedi were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic — before the dark times. Before the Empire. I’ve just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of here forever. If they follow standard Imperial procedure, they’ll dump their garbage before they go to light-speed.

Then we just float away.With the rest of the garbage. If you’re saying that coming here was a bad idea, I’m starting to agree with you.

In my experience there is no such thing as luck. – By Obi-Wan Kenobi. It’s against my programming to impersonate a deity.

It’s not fair! They promised me they fixed it! It’s not my fault!. It’s not impossible.

I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home, they’re not much bigger than two meters. It’s not my fault. – By Han Solo. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. – By Han Solo. Keep your distance, Chewie, but don’t, y’know, look like you’re keeping your distance.(Grumbled questioning bark.) I don’t know. Fly casual.

Laugh it up, fuzzball!. Luke, you switched off your targeting computer — what’s wrong?Nothing! I’m all right. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. Mind tricks don’t work on me. – By Watto.

Never tell me the odds. – By Han Solo. No reward is worth this. No! Do, or do not. There is no try.

– By Yoda. Now, witness the power of this fully operational battle station. Only a master of evil, Darth. Only at the end do you realize the power of the Dark Side. R2-D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer!.

Search your feelings. Shut him up or shut him down. So what I told you was true from a certain point of view.A certain point of view?!. Somebody has to save our skins. – By Leia Organa.

Sorry about the mess. Stay on target. – By Gold Five. Strike me down, and I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. That boy is our last hope.”. That’s impossible.

That’s no moon. That’s not true.

That is why you fail. The circle is now complete. There’s always a bigger fish. – By Qui-Gon Jinn. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for. This is a new day, a new beginning.

– By Ahsoka Tano. This is some rescue!. Told you I did. Reckless is he. Now, matters are worse. Traveling through hyperspace ain’t like dustin’ crops, boy!. Try not.

Do or do not. There is no try. Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re all fine here now, thank you.(Winces.) Uh, how are you?. Ugh. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside. Wait.

I know that laugh. We have — ugh! — powerful friends. You’re going to regret this.I’m sure.″.

We seem to be made to suffer. It’s our lot in life. We would be honored if you would join us. Well, you said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake.I take it back!.

What have you done?! I’m BACKWARDS. Who’s the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him? – By Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf herder.”. Would it help if I got out and pushed?!!It might!″.

Would somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way?!. Yeah you’re a real hero.

You are a member of the rebel alliance, and a traitor. You are unwise to lower your defenses!. You do have your moments.

Not many, but you have them. You don’t have to do this to impress me. You know, that little droid is going to cause me a lot of trouble.Oh, he excels at that, sir. You will be.

You will find that it is you who are mistaken about a great many things. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious. You would prefer another target?

A military target? Then name the system!. You’ll find I’m full of surprises!. Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.

– By Obi-Wan Kenobi. Your focus determines your reality. – By Qui-Gon Jinn. Your weapon you will not need it. Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes; your thoughts betray you.

Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your sister. So, you have a twin sister.

Your feelings have now betrayed her too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now, his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side then perhaps she will. Great, kid. Don’t get cocky. He certainly has courage.Yeah, but what good is that if he gets himself killed?.

He is as clumsy as he is stupid!. He’s the brains, sweetheart!. Hey, I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark blur, I see a big bright blur.There’s nothing to see.

I used to live here, you know.You’re gonna die here, you know. Convenient. I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can.Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them. I find your lack of faith disturbing. – By Darth Vader.

I happen to like nice men. I have a bad feeling about this. I have you now!. I never doubted you! Wonderful!. I saw a city in the clouds. I think I just blasted it.

I’ll never join you. I’m Luke Skywalker? I’m here to rescue you!You’re who?. I’m not afraid.

Our Facebook page is suspended again, so make sure you to LIKE THE LOST BOYS OF TURTLE Facebook page to keep up with our latest blogs.You’ll never guess who’s back in the news.Yup, that’s right – everyone’s, Princeza the Magic Lantern stripper!!!This woman, who is obviously taking her clothes off for money in order to finance her way through law school, was arrested last year after getting busted in a heroin distribution ring. But because she only had a possession charge, and they were after the people she was with, she was lucky enough to have the charges dropped.Then a year later (last week) the Springfield PD saw her sitting in a parked car, in a lot that has been the site of several recent break ins.

Naturally when they approached the car they found her with no pants on, sitting next to an open bottle of whiskey. And since she’s a Springfield trap queen she obviously refused to come out of the car, kicked a cop when they tried to remove her, and ended up being tased into submission. Perfectly normal.Well check out this time:Exotic dancer Princeza Aponte is facing cocaine, marijuana and motor vehicle charges following her second arrest in two weeks. Aponte, 25, of Springfield, pleaded not guilty Tuesday in to driving under the influence of drugs, possession of cocaine, having an open container of marijuana in a vehicle, negligent operation and failing to use a turn signal.On Tuesday, after being pulled over on Frank B. Murray St., Aponte’s mood was more mellow, that report said. “She appeared lethargic and very relaxed and continuously laughed at all my questions,” Massachusetts State Trooper Joel Daoust wrote. At one point, she denied taking any medication or using legal or illegal drugs, the report said.“What about marijuana?” the trooper asked.“Oh well, you didn’t mention that (laugh),” she replied, according to the report.Later, after finding a clump of white powder rolled up in a $5 bill, the trooper asked what it was.“Cocaine. I forgot it was there,” she answered, still laughing, the report said.Aponte, a dancer at the Magic Lantern strip bar in Monson, appeared subdued and had no lawyer during her Tuesday court appearance., citing her income as a dancer, said she did not qualify for a public defender.The latest case began when a state trooper reported seeing Aponte driving erratically on Liberty Street around 2 a.m.

After the trooper activated his flashing lights, Aponte eventually pulled over and told the trooper she was returning home after visiting a friend, the arrest report said. She appeared “dazed and confused” and had a “greenish/whitish film” on her tongue — a sign of marijuana use, the trooper wrote. When he asked if she knew where she was, she responded no, the trooper said.“I told Aponte to wait where she was and that I would be right back. While walking back to my cruiser, I glanced back at Aponte’s car and noticed she had begun to drive away,” the trooper wrote.

Try Not To Laugh

“I immediately yelled, ‘Hey, stop,’ and the car came to a stop after traveling approximately 3-4 car lengths,” the report said.After performing poorly on a field sobriety test, Aponte was arrested and placed in the cruiser. At state police headquarters, she continued to laugh throughout the booking process, even after learning she was being charged with operating under the influence of drugs, the report said.

“But I didn’t have anything to drink,” she replied.There is no one, and I repeat, NO ONE in the 413, who has less fucks to give than our girl Princeza. Like, she fears absolutely nothing. Which is weird because she obviously has a lot to lose, and I’m sure the Magic Lantern has a morals clause once you start working there. The cops pulled her over and could tell immediately she was all fucked up.

And what does she do? Laughs at them because they didn’t explicitly ask if she just blazed a fatty, and then she’s like, “oh yea, forgot about all that cocaine right there.”First of all, what kind of savage smokes pot and does coke at the same time? What’s the point?

They do the exact opposite thing. I can understand if she was doing a whole bunch of blow because she wanted to numb her magic lantern but still be alert in preparation for the inevitable 3 AM gang bang.

But then what’s the point of burning one down after that? Seems counterproductive. Then again, Princeza has never been one to follow conventional wisdom.or laws.Then after the cop goes back to his car she tries driving away. But only for 25 feet. Because Princeza just had to let the trooper know that she is always in control, and sometimes it’s just fun to fuck with State Troopers like that.

YOLO!!I think we can all agree that the most surprising part about this story is the fact that she had pants on. Must’ve been a special occasion. Baby steps people. Anyway, hope Princeza keeps getting low bail so we can keep chronicling the adventures of Springfield’s most legendary ratchet. Just try not to hurt anyone, because that wouldn’t be very funny at all.We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them.

Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.Follow us on and like us on. On the tail of the women’s march, as it relates to this story, I’d like to share with you a memory of when some old army buddies and I would go to this no-contact go-go bar near base. It was dark, dirty & and some of the ugliest trailer park queens we had ever seen on display. We would sit for hours drinking pitchers of cheap draft while spitting on the floor in front of us. Eventually, we would pay a girl like Princeza to show us her moves upon the freshly lubed floor.

To this day, I’m not sure if they didn’t know? Or just didn’t care.Good times. Pants are for suckers!

Woodrow Wilson (progressive communist bastard) invented modern pants to imprison testicles and cause excessive overheating of the dangling sack in an attempt to engineer a master race. He also invented the nut cradle cooler. It sits under and around the testicular sack and cools the contained sperm to a comfortable 85 degrees. If you’ve never heard of it, you are the target of his eugenic experiment. Mussolini helped to fund the device. He is a great admirer.

Hitler said “heating the fun bag and chemical castration is essentially the same”. Stalin agrees. Pol Pot dissented. Chairman Mao outlawed pants. The VC wore pajamas in the woods and the best of them had bigger ears. I have VC ears on a necklace. I long for the day I can add Woodrow Wilson’s ears to it.

He has remarkable ears. My ears are small.Paul Larson. I didn’t write that! It’s not the size of the kidneys, that makes you brave it’s the size of the stones. I have small ears, big hands, a long nose and pointy eye brows. It’s a good thing I’m packing 9+ inches in the trouser department, cause I’m pretty much a goofy bastard. The snowflake that wrote the above comment needs to grow up.

My first Dan, Dan Marino, taught me how to make passes to men. My second Dan, Dan Fouts, taught me for 3 days then quit and sent the third Dan to me, then I learned the kata of the loon. My fourth Dan was Dan Rather, but I’d rather not.

The fifth Dan (the love of my life) and the Dan I’m still with today is Danny Wood, NKOTB dude He rocks my socks while I lick his rocks.The Real Paul Larson. I was the arresting officer. I’m always first at the scene of any crime. It’s what owning a cape can do. It’s detachable from my shirt using velcro, like the kid shirts you find at Target.I raced there on my bicycle, vroom, vroom HANDS UP PRINCEZA!! You’re under arrest!

Squad cars got there too late, I had already put her in cuffs. I bought them from Amazon.

They also sell them with fuzzy fur options but those don’t qualify for prime.I’m glad I could save the day again. It’s misty out, I may need to wash my uniform. This time I hope my mommy doesn’t forget to unpin my felt badge before washing.Sincerely,BobnMicProtect & Serve.